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Below is a letter I wrote one day just for fun.   I hope you find the humor in it about traditional piano lessons.  I really do not have any anger towards traditional piano teachers,  just their teaching methods.   It’s all in fun.  😉

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An Open Letter Of Forgiveness To ALL Traditional Piano Teachers and The Traditional Piano Lessons They Protect

Dear Traditional Piano Teachers and Your Traditional Piano Lessons,
I forgive you…Yes that’s right, I forgive you.  I forgive you…
… for kicking me out of my piano lessons after beating my hands with your ruler when I was 5 years old because I didn’t follow your very specific rules.  Maybe it was because we were poor and couldn’t fit into your elitist group that doesn’t like outsiders or the Pinto station wagon my single mom drove to sit in your driveway next to the fancy cars with the shiny hood ornaments.  Although I practiced very hard everyday on a beat up studio piano we got at a garage sale that we had to pay to have hauled home,  it just wasn’t good enough for you.  And even when I could actually play my lesson homework,  “Mary Had A Little Lamb”,  without staring at a piece of paper with weird notes and symbols and things that I could really care less about, you told me to hit the road.  I could play that song because I actually practiced FYI, but still, you said “Get Out”.  You obviously didn’t need the money  for piano lessons when you had all those other boys and girls who you could boss around for years without any problems.  They must have been more profitable I guess, less hassle.
I forgive you…
… for tricking me 2 more times as I got older in believing that I could actually be successful at piano lessons when I fell for your ALTERNATIVE type of piano lessons advertising.  Only to find out as I showed up for lessons that all you changed about the teaching was the name. You told me to SIT UP!  Have correct posture, do these boring exercises, focus on scales and reading sheet music, but first and foremost.. do not ask questions.  You told me it doesn’t matter if I didn’t like the song I was playing, and it did not matter how I wanted to learn because I would never play the piano learning outside of these traditional rules.  Your way was the only way.
I forgive you…
… for wasting my time, taking my money and many other student’s money for YEARS only to have them leave without actually being able to play anything, or at least without a duffel bag full of sheet music.  Did you ever wonder why that is?  Did you ever wonder why your turnover was so high?  Did you even care?  I’m surprised you didn’t offer a money back guarantee… not really.
and I forgive you…
… for boring me with your music degree garble, your Julliardish training, and your prized prodigy student stories, who I am sure is chained to a piano for life now trying to pay back their parents for the 20 years of piano lessons.
But I also wanted to thank you.  If you hadn’t been you, then I wouldn’t have been so pissed off about the way piano has been taught that it drove me to prove you wrong.  And guess what…  It was way easier than I thought.  In fact it was so easy it is mystifying to me that you can actually drag out piano lessons for YEARS!!!  I mean I really don’t quite comprehend how you can teach nothing for that long of a period of time.
Because you forced me out, and gave me no way to succeed at piano, at least the way I wanted to, I had to find other means.  Now I can play pretty much anything I want to, whenever I want to.  Is my posture perfect?…  probably not.  Do I miss notes every once in a while?… DEFINITELY!  Is my rhythm perfect?… not sure because I don’t play to a stupid metronome…  I just let the people singing keep me in about the right time at whatever dueling piano show or church service I am playing at… they haven’t complained yet.
What’s really funny is the traditional teacher who I BEGGED to teach me the way I wanted to learn and she reluctantly, but graciously did, no longer teaches.  She didn’t like the fact I could play more songs than she could after just a few weeks.  It really made her question the teaching of piano as it was.
The really sad thing is you probably don’t even know what I am talking about.  You have been ignorant to any other way of learning.  You are simply teaching the same way you were taught which is why chances are you don’t actually play any piano outside of teaching it.  I would be willing to bet your sheet music is getting dusty and your piano doesn’t get played much outside of your students.
So I forgive you and thank you at the same time for making me a piano player by forcing me to learn a new method that actually works and teaches people to play.  I do not want to have an adversarial relationship with you, but I will if that is what it takes to save some students from your methods.  I truly believe there is a purpose for your methods.  Somebody who wants to spend years of their life learning everything there is to know about how to become a classically trained pianist and maybe someday play for a symphony, it is perfect for them.
All I ask is that when you see a student not enjoying your piano lessons by reading sheet music, bored with the songs you are asking them to play, maybe has bad posture, not perfect rhythm, but has the desire to play… Send them my way.  Don’t ruin their chances of playing the piano by having them dread the experience.  We have plenty of room for those who don’t care about your Julliard training but just want to play the piano for life, learning songs they know and love. And we guarantee it.
Most Sincerely,

The PianoFool.

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